Twilight, condensed* … condensed again March 18, 2009

*As requested, it’s about a page and a half shorter. I wasn’t sure what was wanted, so sorry if this isn’t exactly it.*

It all started when I, like, moved up to Forks and my dad got me a piece-of-crap truck. Which I loved. Cuz I have this thing for really, really old, potentially dangerous things. Duh. At school, there was this super attractive family that nobody talked to cuz they are “weird”. Edward was the youngest and his eyeballs were so mesmerizing. I just stared and stared. But he thought I smelt which totally sucked cuz I so wanted him. So I did what any normal girl would do: I started stalking him. And I found out he was a really, really old, potentially dangerous vampire who happened to be stalking me as well. He told me I should never ever love him. Something about him wanting to eat me. Whatever. That’s way hot. So what did I do? I fell head over heels for him. And he totally HEARTS me too.

He showed me how he sparkles. It was so sexy. Too bad he’s like a slab of ice. I still can’t resist making out with him. I just want more and more, cuz he has perfect lips, of course. But he’s all, “No, I’ll eat you, Bella.” Which just makes me want more. I mean, right? I just try again and again and we’re always arguing as we kiss cuz he’s hungry and he can’t take any more and I’m hungry and all I want is HIM. It’s way precious.

Everything else was so perfect and wonderful. But then this other vampire clan came and they just weren’t nice. Ruined everything. Edward, who is so overprotective and smothering it’s cute, freaks and makes me hit the road. I end up at my mom’s cuz the evil vampire is stalking me. Kinda like Edward did. Except this guy wants to rip my heart out. I would be turned on, but I’m so smitten by Mr. Perfect-marble-god Edward that I can’t think about any other guys.

Well, I end up falling into the evil vampire’s trap cuz I’m so selfless I give myself up to save cool people I love so very much. So I go and practically serve myself up with gravy and potatoes. The evil vampire is so about to kill me when Edward comes from nowhere—he’s magic, you know—and they get into this enormous Vamp fight. It was so exciting: they were fighting over me! But I got bit, it seems. And it hurt. I was writhing on the floor and was all in and out of consciousness. Mostly I was worried about how I looked cuz I’m so scared Edward thinks I’m just an ugly human and me weeping on the floor, bleeding and foaming at the mouth wasn’t helping the matter. But I know, somehow, Edward saved me and ripped the evil vampire to shreds and burned those shreds in a great bonfire. That’s how it’s done.

Back at Forks, everything returned to normal. Except Edward made me go to prom with him which was totally lame but I couldn’t argue cuz I love him. Besides, whenever I look at his glittery perfection, I just melt. So he’s in charge. He loves me, so he knows what’s best for me. Always. And you’re jealous. I know it. Cuz he’s hot. Just get that into your head. He’s totally hot and he’s all mine. I mean, I’m all his. Which is perfect. Too bad that evil vampire’s girlfriend is going to kill me. I could have been so happy.

Good Morning, Sunshine – prt. 15 May 15, 2008

By Monday I was smiling again; life seemed a bit brighter. Cadence seemed relieved my random-emotional-over-kill moments were over. So was I. And school seemed good and nearly normal. I was used to it—most of it—now. Except the food. I don’t think anyone could ever get used to that.

I actually backed off Jason a bit. Not in a bad way, though. We were still together. In fact, we were number one on the Best Valentine’s Ever list. Someone had posted a picture of me sobbing as he had handed me the roses. That sort of made me cringe, because I remembered why I had been crying. But it was still sweet. And Jason looked good. We both seemed better. He had given me a ride and not mentioned anything about what we had talked about. Surprisingly, that just added pressure to my obligation to talk to Todd. Which turned out to be an awful experience—no surprise. But I’m getting ahead of myself. And that was probably the understatement of the year.

I was walking to my next class alone and I saw him—alone. He caught my eye and with a bug-eyed sigh, spun around and started walking the other way. That made me agitated and I ran to his side, determined to get it over with.

“Todd,” I said, coming to a slow stop, “We have to talk.”

He scowled at me, looking ready to bite. “About what, Brooke? Your point was clear—and I’ll have you know my jaw was bruised because of it.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s exactly it—why don’t you just grow up?”

He barked a short laugh. “Yeah, look who’s talking? You are such a friggin’ hypocrite, you know that?”

I stared at him, my jaw dropping. “Excuse me? All I said was that we need to talk; not get in some screaming fight.”

“Well, see if I care about your shallow antics! You think cuz you come and say ‘we have to talk’ that makes you the mature one?”

“Mature—you think you are mature? Like, serious?”

“’Like, serious?’” He mimicked, staring icily at me, “You know what Brooke, how ‘bout you go stick your tongue down my brothers throat and get out of my life?”

I stared, an angry laugh slipping into my words, “Now that is real maturity.”

“Do you really think I care? You think you’ve changed; that because you had your perfect life ripped away from you, you are a new person. You’re not. You are the same snotty bimbo who—”

“How can you even stand there and act as if you know me! You don’t—never will. Todd—just leave me alone and GROW UP.” I spun around, giving up and desperate to get to class; to get away. But he made me turn around.

“There you go again; pretending you’re queen of the world! You’re just this Manhattan prep who’s going for Jason because of his money, his style; even his so-called ‘drive’! You are nothing more than a teenage gold digger.”

That was too much. I shoved him back a step, silencing him immediately. “Don’t you dare accuse me! I am no gold digger.”

“Oh yeah?” he screamed, coming back a step closer, “Then what’s his middle name? How about his favorite color? Do you even know what things he likes to do—I mean, except making out with you.”

“You jealous?” I bit, getting in his face, “Todd, I know Jason. So why don’t you save face and shut up.”

He laughed, still screaming, “If what you know of Jason is considered knowing people, no wonder you have such a shallow existence! I bet you couldn’t list five things about him; what he likes or wants. Yeah—you know he’s going to college, you know he’s hot. But you don’t know him.”

Suddenly I was no longer bold. A growing crowd was surrounding us and I just realized it. My cheeks flushed; I was red and steaming. “That’s not true.” I whispered, willing it all to go away. But Todd wasn’t done.

“No, but its okay; he’s doesn’t know you either.” His words were quieter too, but they still cut at me. And I started to cry; silent, hot tears that made my skin flush more. The silence from the crowd was almost deafening. But not as much as Todd’s quiet accusations.

“You two…you don’t care. You just take. He can’t even say he knows you; listens to you—sees you. You guys just use each other. And I guess that works for you, but, just know, there’s nothing there. And one day that’s gonna hurt.”

“Who do you even think you are?” The words were slow and deep. I was angry. “You think you know me better—Jason told me about you; how you don’t even have your own life! And now you’re telling me that you know more about mine than he does; than I do?”

His eyes fell to the floor. I was fuming, my breaths short and tight. I hoped it was over, that I could turn and run; but he spoke. And it hurt.

“Well, I know he can’t see how beautiful you are. No, he see’s the colors and shapes. But he doesn’t know how, when you’re bored, you start to play with the tips of your hair. He doesn’t see that there’s a face you make for every kind of emotion. Your eyebrows sink just to the left when you’re thinking. And, when you smile, your nose sort of crinkles. There’s a dimple on your right cheek that only shows up when you bite your lip. And I know how you like it when your hair falls across your eyes—it means you can finally breathe; you don’t have to put on a face for everyone.” Every word made me blush. It was making me sick. He didn’t even seem to notice. I don’t think he knew there was a crowd around us. His eyes were on me and me alone.

“I know that you want to be held close—even in a dance. You—you look great in teal; it’s your favorite color. I know you’d rather have PB and J’s than caviar or…quail. You want to be more than a rich snob; you want to get out of this stereotype of fashion and…snootiness! You want to go to prom! You wanna climb a tree—wear jeans that cost less than a three digit number. There’s something in your eyes that tells—everyone—that you want to be you; not the rich girl from Manhattan.”

Now I was tired and officially pissed off. “You are a jerk. A total, bitter jerk who thinks he knows everything. But you don’t. And you just proved it.” My voice started to rise; my stance straightened and I was ready to punch something. Preferably him. “How can you think that, for one second, I would ever want to be with someone who thinks he knows me better than I do? I would never want you; you’re just a little boy making guess work about me. You don’t know me. You, Todd, are an absolute as—”

“What’s going on here?”

It was the principal. He pushed himself through the crowd and into the circle where Todd and I stood. People started to talk and the choking silence around us finally stopped. I could breathe. But then Jason pushed his way through, right next to the principal. His eyes were wide and not at all humored.

“Yeah—what is this, Todd?” His voice was almost malicious. And Todd suddenly looked sheepish.

“I—we…were just…talking.” He stuttered, not daring to look anywhere in particular. I snorted, hot tears still falling down my face. Jason wrapped his arms around me and the principal stared sternly about.

“Todd, you just need to grow up.” Jason said, his voice bringing the silence back.

Todd laughed; it was almost a cruel laugh. “Yeah—I’ve heard that a lot today—”

“That’s because you do. I can’t believe…just…go to hell.”

The principal raised his hands to calm the crowd. Even Todd seemed close to tears. But then it turned ugly. His eyes got venomous and he nearly spat at us.

“Oh, just take your whore and have a happy life.”
Those words by themselves would have been shocking enough, but what happened next blew it overboard.

Jason’s arm was suddenly no longer around my shoulders. In a split second, his fist was thrown forcefully into Todd’s face and he was knocked to the ground. Then the principal was grabbing Jason and holding him back, shoving him into the wall of people that now started freaking out. Todd tried to stand, his hand covering his mouth where blood sputtered out.

Chaos ricocheted through the crowd—people were talking, some were laughing, the principal was yelling at everyone and more teachers showed up; half of them wondering where their students were and the other were curious as to what the noise was. One of the teachers helped Todd up, pulling him to the nurses. Jason was carted off by the principal and the crowd was told to get to class. I just stood, more surprised than anyone. I couldn’t move.

Eventually someone told me to get to class—I don’t remember who. But I wasn’t there for long. Soon I got a note calling me to the principal’s. I was surprised to see a cop; they asked me to tell them what had happened. I didn’t really want to. I avoided the topic of conversation and just explained that we had gotten in a fight. They told me I had to go home; that I was suspended for the rest of the day. Some bull crap about how I had impeded on the education and peace of the school. I was forced to call Cadence; some sort of try at an emotional punishment. But I didn’t really care. Home sounded good to me. So Cadence came—I did feel bad though; she had to leave work—and I left. I didn’t know where Jason was or what his punishment was. But I didn’t really care. I still just wanted to disappear. Cadence wouldn’t let me. She asked what had happened and I knew I had to tell her. It took me so long, we were sitting in the garage for a while. And afterwards she just looked at me and then she whistled. Made a joke about how my life was a soap opera. I didn’t find it funny. She got that and let me get out and go inside. But first she told me I would have to make dinner; that she had to work late because of me. I didn’t really mind. I just went inside and lied down, desperate to forget it all.

Chimichanga Truths January 15, 2008

It was one of those mornings. The ones where you smash the alarm clock and wish it was all a dream. You know, the one where you hear your mom cooking in the kitchen, see the pile of homework on your desk and wish you were a million miles away–anywhere where school was not required. But it didn’t work, all the wishing i mean. I had to get up and move.

And what’s more? The forward saying if i sent it to 20 people, my wish would be granted was wrong–again. My mom had cooked chimichanga’s. She thought the true happiness in anyone’s life should come around a table, eating together. But it couldn’t be just anything; it had to be mexican–the ‘home’ food.

“Morning, Eva!” she said, rambling on in spanish as she kissed my cheek. “I made chimichanga’s for breakfast.”

“no, mama, i’m…not hungry. Besides, Tyler is coming to pick me up soon.”

“Not hungry!” grabbing me by the arm and spinning me around, “You almost disappear into the air! If a chimichanga were as small as you, there would be nothing there! You must eat. Tyler can have some.”

“Mom, no! We’ll get something else to eat. Chimichanga’s aren’t…breakfast.” I threw her off of my arm and walked towards the front door.

“Fine, but i hope you know McDonalds doesn’t count as food.”

I rolled my eyes, mumbling under my breath, “probably healthier.”

I suppose all girls have this problem. The detachment-from-mom phase. But it wasn’t so much mom. It was the chimichanga craze. See, she had this psycho idea that bringing family together made anything healthy. I was a teenage girl. And more, i was a teenage girl in a New York City public school. Fitting in was key to surviving. And being fat and covered in grease most definitely did not fit the cool category. But Tyler did. He was gorgeous. And he was mine.

I couldn’t help but blush with excitement as i saw his car pull up. I didn’t wait for him to come get me–i ran out the door before mom could wave excitedly to him and embarrass me once more. With one of those sweet “good morning” kisses, haunted with the taste of coffee and cream cheese, he greeted me, wrapping his arm tight around me as he pulled away from the curb.

We just drove towards the heart of the city and Adams High School, the radio blasting. Not a word was said, just our pulses blending together. I loved those moments. Utter peace ramming heads with the intense chaos of the city, leaving me more excited than a kid on christmas eve. His hand beat softly on the steering wheel, his crystal blue eyes focused on the road. My hand slid up his neck, fingers twisting through his dark hair. He smiled. I smiled too, itching for another kiss.

“Eva, don’t do that while i’m driving!”

“What?” i asked, playing innocent.

“The…neck thing!”

“Oh, you mean this?” i asked, my fingers tickling the hairs on his neck.

He shuddered, “Exactly.”

I laughed, leaning over to kiss the same spot my fingers had been.

“That doesn’t help either.” But he looked at me and grabbed a kiss, sending butterflies through my stomach.

“How was your morning?” he asked, his eyes back on the road as the light turned green.

“You mean besides waking up to the smell of–”

“Chimichanga’s.” he offered, a smile toying at his mouth.

“Exactly. She just–i dunno, she wont…let go.”

“Eva, she’s spanish. I’m pretty sure you are too.”

“Well, yeah, but we’re in America. She’s not even pure spanish. I mean, why can’t she…let go–just a little. i just–chimichanga’s have got to be the worst. And she like tries to…tie it into my life. Its annoying! Like yesterday, after i missed my curfew by like ten minutes, she explodes and gives me this lecture about chimichanga’s! She goes, ‘Eva Dimaz, life cannot be wasted! And being late is wasting. Why, think if the chimichanga’s stayed in the oil too long? A burnt chimichanga is tasteless and no good! You must be perfected, like a chimichanga!’ It’s like all she thinks about, i swear!”

“Well, i know sometimes i wish my mom cared as much as yours. Minus the chimichanga’s.”

I laughed. “But your mom doesn’t ban Mcdonald’s or…Bloomingdale’s from the house! ‘Chimichanga’s are chimichanga’s, and they are best with themselves’ She doesn’t even care about what i like!”

“I think she does but…i’m just saying, your mom wants to keep your culture alive. And i guess that means chimichanga’s. I think its awesome.”

We pulled into the parking lot and i was glad that conversation was over. He always reminded me of my mom when he went on those schpeals. Not that it was exactly bad, just…annoying. But i didn’t have time to be annoyed. School was starting. Another day of judgments, challenges of the ‘cools’ and just trying to fit in. Tyler had to run, he had a test to take before school. So, with a kiss that made my insides flip, he left me to fend for myself in the psycho world called High School.

“Eva! Eva!” Kary was next to me, a sputtering cigarette in her hand. She was laughing.

“Hey, why so…happy?”

“he kissed me–just now!” She bit her lip, spinning to face someone. It was Ricky.

“Ugh! that makes you smile? I’d rather swallow my own barf.”

Kary rolled her eyes, “Then barfing would be pointless, huh. And gross. besides, he’s awesome.”

“Kay, kary, he’s sitting on a car in the parking lot looking like he hasn’t showered in a year and he smells like a street corner.”

Kary just laughed, blowing a kiss in his direction. “Like that matters? Besides, its not like we’re together. I don’t think he even knows my name.”

I just rolled my eyes, and couldn’t help but smile when one of mom’s saying came to mind. “Chimichanga’s are good together, they lose their taste alone.”

“You might wanna put that out.” i said, pointing at the cigarette, “I’m gonna be sick and the principal’s coming this way.”

She quickly dropped it to the ground and let it fizzle in the gutter, grabbing a piece of gum and shoving it in her mouth. Then she grabbed me and pulled me towards the doors. “You need to liven up Eva. Tyler’s gonna toss you if you stay so boring. Omigod, what is that smell?” She said, interupting herself, “Its like i just walked into chinatown or something.”

I quickly sniffed myself and groaned, “Its me. Mom cooked those stupid chimichanga’s again.”

Kary took a quick step away from me, “That’ gross.”

I scoffed, “C’mon! It’s not like i ate them!”

“Well you smell like you rolled in them. What if you’re contaminated?” She laughed at herself. “Kay, well, i’ve gotta go. And i probably wont see you at lunch!” she called with a wink, “Its me and ricky time!”

I grimaced, shuddering as the bell rang. I meandered through the dwindling crowds, trying hard to wish my way out of class. But it seemed, like always, my wish wouldn’t be granted. And as i finally raced to class to make the late bell, my mom’s chimichanga lessons ran through my head. She had millions “a chimichanga must be perfected–it is not born so.” or “a burnt chimchanga cannot bring joy, nor can a deblossomed woman.” I couldn’t help but smile. And as i raced into my class, i hardly heard the sarcastic statement my teacher through out. “Chimichanga’s are sweet or they are lost.” ran through my head instead. I laughed outloud, thinking of all the times my mom had thrown something about a chimichanga in my face. Maybe she was right. Maybe Tyler was right. I sank into my chair, breathing in the smells of home from my sweater, tuning the teachers droll out. It was peaceful; the smells and the thoughts. And when tyler walked in to take his seat next to mine, i just smiled. I finally understood. I had finally tasted the Chimichanga Truths.