Good Morning, Sunshine – prt. 14 May 13, 2008

Life was tense for the next week. And Jason seemed to get that. Of course, it wasn’t hard to catch on. Every time I saw Todd, heard his name, or even thought of Todd, I’d hug tighter to Jason. Randomly, in the middle of classes, I’d kiss him. Just willing myself to get Todd out of my head. English was the worst. Jason just thought I was completely in to him, which I was. But even I knew that wasn’t why I would hold tight.

On Saturday night he got it out of me. We were sitting outside on my porch swing and I wasn’t really talking. Jason just held my hand and, sighing deeply, asked me what was wrong. At first I tried to veer the conversation in another direction, but I couldn’t resist those eyes and—slowly—I told him everything. About that one time Todd had given me a ride, about the stares, about the screaming fight, and even about the kiss. I was scared to tell it, afraid Jason would stand up and go shoot his brother. But he just laughed; a slow, sad sort of laugh. I sat back, staring at him and asking what on earth his deal was.

He just shook his head, “That’s just…my brother.”

“Just your brother? Oh, so what, he can just go around kissing your girlfriend and you won’t care?” I pushed myself out of his arms, totally pissed, and scooted across the bench.

His eyes got wide. “No, that’s not what I mean! It’s just…. Todd, he….” He sighed, pulling me back over and forcing hand in his. “Todd has a habit of…wanting to be me. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. Everything I have, he wants. He just…never really was his own self. Like, my classes—he has almost the same exact schedule, but he hates half the stuff. He asks my mom for the same stuff I ask for. He’s like some sort of…leech living off of somebody else’s life.”

“So you mean to say he really doesn’t like me?” It wasn’t a sad question, or even mad. I was just asking, really curious.

He looked at me for a second, a sort of laugh in his eyes, “Who wouldn’t like you?”

I hit him, trying to keep the situation serious.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “I can’t really say I’m surprised. He did it before. With my last girlfriend.” His voice went all quiet and I didn’t dare breathe. “He just…can’t think for himself. And, yeah, it gets annoying, but it’s him. And I didn’t think he liked you. It was just at lunch that first day that he pointed you out, said you were a nut case—but a gorgeous one. I had laughed, but I was curious. Especially when I saw you. And I told him—I told him he could go for you. And, when he didn’t, I even asked him if I could. And he said yeah—that you weren’t some cow to be bought and paid for. That all is fair in love and that he didn’t even want to try for you. That you were high maintenance and a pain. But I didn’t see that, or at least I didn’t mind it, so I went for it.”

I just watched him, different emotions coming with every word. A cow? High maintenance? Go for it? Nut case? Didn’t mind it? But I didn’t bring any of it up. I just looked down, petting his knuckles and breathing slowly. But he wasn’t done.

He laughed softly, leaning his chin on my head. “So, I just have one question for you….”

I looked up; his sparkling eyes surprisingly close and completely mischievous.

“Who’s the better kisser?”

And finally, I laughed. And he kissed me. And the night finally felt warm again.

We sat there for a while more, listening to nothing more than our own breathing. His hands still clasped mine, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I felt safe and comfortable. I could have slept, right there, but he had a curfew. So I walked him to his car and we stood there for a while more, sharing a kiss and then he told me something. He said I didn’t have to be awkward around Todd, that eventually Todd would get over himself. I snorted, saying that seemed a lofty hope. But Jason was serious. He told me that Todd really was a nice guy, just slightly immature. But then again, no one could blame him for falling for a girl like me–least of all Jason. He also said that I should talk to Todd, that he trusted me. I didn’t know what he expected me to say, so I just nodded, saying I’d keep it in mind. He chuckled and then, with one last hug, kissed me goodnight and left.

So I went to bed and finally felt normal again, as if the world was righted or the worries were gone. Todd still haunted the corner of my mind, but now it was a little less threatening. Especially since I could still feel Jason. And it felt…good.

Good Morning, Sunshine – prt. 13 May 5, 2008

When Cadence came, I didn’t say anything other than thank you. And she seemed to get that I didn’t really want to talk. She just turned up the radio and hummed along. I sat in the backseat and leaned my head against the window. It was hot. And her old car was jolting so hard, I started to get a headache. But I didn’t move. I needed something to distract me—my lips were tingling; as if they craved something they couldn’t have. My heart was pounding; it felt good to have my head distract it. My breath still caught, but a headache made me need to breathe slowly. It was getting out of the car that scared me. But I had to. Cadence’s lunch break was almost over. So she dropped me off, told me to take some aspirin, and go to bed. I wanted to take more than aspirin, but I didn’t take anything. I just fell on the couch and turned on the T.V.

It was stuck on the Hallmark channel and I didn’t feel like getting up and getting the remote. Besides, I just needed something to distract me—desperately. I never knew how tear-inducing cheesy soap-opera style movies could be. It was about some jerk guy finding out that he had one week to live so he goes to get some money off his rich ex-wife and daughter, but along the way he meets all these people and has different things happen to him and then-–boom—the week is over just as he gets to his family a totally changed man and dies. But then it takes a leap past cheesy as he meets God who tells him he’s finally figured it out and the guy begs for just another day—to see his kid. So he goes back and he makes it all better with his ex and then he is prepared to die, but nothing happens. And he realizes he gets a real life with his family. The end. It was so cheesy—cheesy effects, cheesy acting, cheesy story. But I was bawling like a baby five minutes into it; and for absolutely no apparent reason other than I was an emotional wreck. I have to admit, I was hardly even following the story line. I was distracted. But I was still crying. Especially at the end when the ex, who has a boyfriend, slaps him and calls him nothing and its only his mentioning his death sentance that he gets to see his kid. And then, of course, she sees that he’s a different man with his kid and she gives him a chance with her and within in like five minutes of seeing each other, they are making out. That made my tears turn hot and I was ready throw my shoe at the screen. But then Annie came home and started giggling about how she had had to get all my roses home and wondering what had happened and gushing about how romantic Jason was and how lucky I was. I just tuned her out, wiped my face and smiled at her, as if I was listening. She came over, holding a bag of kisses and a note from Jason, said he had given it to her at the end of school. She just sat down next to me, expecting me to read it outloud. I didn’t. I told her I wouldn’t even open it in front of her, but mostly because I wasn’t in the mood. Then she whispered–as if someone would hear–that Jason had been totally worried when you left, she said he seemed totally bummed. She also mentioned that Todd had left early too. And she said she had found roses in the hall and knew they were mine and picked them up because she didn’t want Jason to think that I–Brooke–didn’t like him anymore. She paused there, as if waitig to see if I’d say something in protest or thanks. I just nodded and then excused myself, telling her I was totally tired.

When I got in my room, I read the note from JAson. And it was adorable. basically, he asked me to dinner. Part of me wanted to just call and say I was so sorry but I felt so gross. but then i thought about why I felt gross and about why my life seemed to suck so bad at that moment, adn I decided I would go. He was my boyfriend and his little annoying, self-righteous, dumb, smart-aleck brother could go choke on a chocoloate-covered strawberry for all I cared. And that’s when things changed. Suddenly I smiled, though I must admit it was more of a in-your-face-dare smile than an actual smile. But I didn’t care. I just cleared my throat, called Jason and told him I would love to go–the note was adorable.

He sounded relieved, but asked if I was sure. He didn’t want me to not enjoy myself. I told him it was my first real valentine’s celebration and I had to go. he laughed–I don’t think he really believed he was my first boyfriend or kiss or anything. He said he’d pick me up at 6:30 and have me back home by 10, since it was a school night. part of me wanted to tell him he could take me away forever–I didn’t want to face school. But I didn’t say anything. I just hung up after he said bye and then spent the next few hours blasting music and figuring out what to wear. For some reason I wanted something sexy–even over the top. I wanted to feel jealosy-causing hot and make heads turn. It was one of those nights where, if I had been in NYC, I would have been dressing up to sneak into an over-twenty club. And I knew I was doing it more for me than for him, though I tried to convince myself otherwise. In any case, it was a night for Jovani.

I pulled it out of its protector from the back of the closet. I remembered buying it; I had been craving something expensive and sexy. A back-stabbing friend had earlier raved about a Jovani dress she wanted but couldn’t get. After she totally betrayed me, I went out and bought it. And then I wore it the next time I saw her. Her face was priceless. But I hadn’t worn it since. And now I felt like it was time, because I needed gorgeous.

It was a shimmery black cocktail, falling inches above my knee. A plunging V fell down the back, echoing off the subtle one in the front. A ridiculously large bow sat in the back, just as black as the rest of the dress. I paired it with my silver Stuart Weitzman heels and laid off the make-up except for a smoky eye. My hair was curled and pulled to one side in a huge, sparkling silver clip. I was hot. When I finally opened my door at six, both Cadence and Annie were stunned silent. I didn’t mind. It was what I needed. Annie just thought I was absolutely gorgeous and kept looking at me as if she couldn’t believe it really was me. Cadence seemed almost scared. She would glance at me and smile yet look ready to cry too. I just sat around, convincing myself to be excited and happy. I told myself Todd wasn’t even on my mind, that I didn’t have to bring up anything to Jason. I decided I just had to move on–Todd was just being stupid and he didn’t matter. Jason mattered. I knew he liked me–a lot. And I liked him. Really. So when 6:30 rolled around and he came to the door, I got butterflies. And that felt good.

Annie answered the door, but I was close behind. And his face was unforgettable. he just stared for a solid second. i tried to read his expression–it was a sort of shocked, surprised, twitterpated, happy look that was as confusing as I had been just hours before. I smiled, suddenly feeling slightly silly. But, as I walked towards him and his smile got bigger, my confidence sky-rocketed. Besides, it wasn’t like I was overdressed. He was in a suit that could have very well passed for a tux to the unfamiliar eye. He looked good, in a james-bond-suave kind of way. I gave him a hug and he stole a kiss and whispered in my ear that I looked beautiful. Annie was still standing right next to me, leaning into the door, and I blushed but willed myself to laugh and take his hand as we walked down the steps. He kept mentioning how amazing I looked and how bad he did in comparison, how everyone would think he was my little brother. I laughed and said he looked hot. And then I stole a kiss and he laughed.

As he started driving, I turned on the radio. The preset was already playing–the coolest band ever and I was totally ready to lean back in my seat. But he quickly changed it, laughing under his breath about his brother and his button-pressing fetish. He put it on some slow special where all they played was romance songs. I wanted to die. But I didn’t say anything; after all it was Valentine’s and it was his car and I was totally happy just to be there, even if the music sucked. I told myself that again and again–especially when Celine Dion started up.

Eventually we pulled up to a restaurant and the radio was finally shut off. He made me wait for him to open my door, and then he escorted me into the place. That was awkward. The Maitre D’ asked if we wanted a seat at the bar, Jason blushed and explained that we were underage. I just smiled. She took a long look at me, not believing for a moment. But when Jason announced the reservation, venom filled her eyes as she stared. I just smiled back, hugging Jason’s arms more tightly. Eventually she left us be and someone proceeded to escort us to a candlelit table. The place was purely french. the waiters spoke french, the menu’s were in french, even their live band played french music.

Jason pulled my seat out for me, which was slightly annoying–I wasn’t some three year old. But I just sat down graciously. He made small talk about the food and offered to order for me. I was fluent in French so I watched, humored, as he fumbled over the french names during the order. When the waiter asked what we’d like to drink–in french–and Jason’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head, I spoke up. Reordering perfectly in french and adding a bit. I even thanked him for his time and apologized for my date. He smiled and thanked me and such and said he’d hurry along with the lady’s order.

Jason was blushing, yet completely impressed. Said he had tried french in 9th grade, but could never get past the colors. It turned out alright though, the waiter even brought us a complimentary taste of wine for both of us. He didn’t ask for I.D. and we didn’t explain to him. You never say no to the french. And it was delicious. Jason said he only ever had wine at family weddings. I didn’t mention the other sorts of alcoholic drinks I’d had in my life. I just veered the conversation to something else. And when our food came, I showed him how to properly eat a crepe and such. We were finished by eight and then he told me he had another surprise for me. I asked if it included a foreign language. He laughed and said no, he hoped it would be more impressive. He took me dancing.

It was some Valentine’s couples ball and I felt slightly awkward amongst the 92 year olds. He just took me to the floor and said he might not be able to speak french, but he could dance. Turns out his mom had forced both him and Todd to ballroom dance classes for all their teenage lives. AND he could dance. I had never really waltzed before. I sort of knew how, but in New York, I never had the need to. The dancing there was…. Well it wasn’t ballroom material. It was weird to have a guy purposefully put space between us and take my hands in his rather than expect me to fling them around his neck. And spinning through that ballroom was euphoric, with all the whirl of dresses and golden walls. I smiled and laughed, and it was fun. But he was so set on perfecting the steps, he never just pulled me in his arms and spun. It was always “1-2-3, 1-2-3″–I could almost feel him whispering it.

We finally left and got home just at ten. He offered to walk me back up the steps, but the oddly darkened house told me Annie was watching from somewhere. So I told him I’d be fine. And then he leaned and in and kissed me. It was passionate, almost. But I was suddenly cold. SO it was short, I felt the sudden urgent need to get inside and go to bed. So I thanked him for everything–from the hundreds of roses, to the dinner and dance. He smiled at me, brushing a curl off my cheek and said I was welcome. Then he kissed me again, but I had previously started to turn, so he mostly just got my cheek. I’d like to say it was all on accident, but I think part of me was relieved. I was suddenly exhausted. So I got out, closed the door and went in my room. Both Annie and Cadence asked how it was through the door and I just said it had been good. Cuz it had. But there was something weird about it all. A lot of things actually. But I didn’t feel like thinking. So I just changed, took a deep breath and fell asleep.

I won’t tell you what I dreamed about, only that it wasn’t Jason.

Good Morning, Sunshine – prt. 8 April 18, 2008

They both came up to the door and Cadence answered it–she paid us for the honor. I was almost scared she’d bring out the camera or that Annie would freak and not say a word. But they both acted pretty calm. I introduced Todd to his date and smiled as he just stared. Not a creepy stare, just a relieved, almost-excited look. Annie just laughed and asked if we were gonna go. Todd smiled and turned slightly to let her out. Jason laughed at me as I started after them, whispering under his breath about how Todd had been so scared you’d set him up with some monster. I quickly announced that if anyone should be scared, it should be Annie. He snickered and opened the door for me. I looked back at Todd and Annie, packed into the back.

“You know, I could sit back there with Annie so there’s more room.”

Annie didn’t really here. Todd just smiled, stretching his arms across the seat, “Nah, I’m sure we’ll be fine–totally comfortable.”

Annie giggled as he threw her a wink. “Totally.”

I just rolled my eyes and got comfortable, glancing at Jason adn trying to calm the raging butterflies in my stomach.

“So where are we going?” I asked casually, crossing my legs and moving my purse.

“It’s a surprise.” Todd yelled from the back. I ignored him and kept my attention on jason.

“Downtown.” Jason said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“You mean there’s a town?” I teased. He glanced at me with a million dollar smile and shrugged. I just laughed, letting the wind from his window catch my hair. He hadn’t put down the top, and I was glad.

Todd and Annie were laughing in the back. Turns out it wasn’t a complete blind date. They had had a class together once and he had even went out to lunch with her–in a big group–last year. So that meant Jason and I were kind of alone conversation wise. I never knew how much attention it took to drive. I never really had. I had my liscense, but I’d never really used it. When he found that out, he pulled over and my stomach dropped.

“Come on–you’re gonna drive.” He stared at me, his eyes twinkling. I just looked at that wheel, the windshield and I shook my head. Annie giggled in the back and Todd just stared humoredly.

“No–I don’t even know where we’re going and–I haven’t driven in, like, a year. I’ll prorably kill someone.”

“There are airbags.” Jason said simply.

I was going crazy. “Well, what if I run over a small child? Or a chipmunk! I could be arrested.”

“A small child?” Jason repeated, laughter brimming on every word.

I blushed, “Yes!”

He just rolled his eyes, got out of the car, and came along to my side.

“Come on,” he said magically, almost melting me into goop. “I’ll help you. And you can’t be arrested–you have your liscense and a wonderfully connected guide.”

Then he took my hand–I think I would have jumped off a building with him if I could just hold his hand. “My uncle’s a cop,” he explained, guiding me back around the car, his hand still hugging mine. “And I’m a genius at the road. Besides, driving is like riding a bike–you can’t forget how to do it.”

“You can if you’ve never ridden a bike before!” He just laughed, not realizing how dead serious I was. And when he closed my door and moved around to the other side; and when Todd and Annie just leaned back comfortably I knew they were all serious–they wanted me to drive.

I stared at the car. It was a beautiful car. And I could imagine how fast it could go; how fun it would be. I nervously grabbed the wheel and looked down at my feet, checking to see the pedal’s. I wasn’t even sure which one. Jason just took my hand again and placed it on the gear shift. He teased me; told me what every letter stood for and then willed me to put it in Drive. I did. And then I pressed on a pedal and we screached into the road. I slammed on the break as another car swerved around us with a loud honk.

“I so can’t do this.” I whispered, my hands already numb. The whole car broke into laughter adn I blushed some more.

“You can’t just jump in front of cars–come on, you’re doing great.”

“Just make sure to look out for small children.” Todd mocked from the back. Suddenly I wanted to run into a pole just to shut him up. Jason told me I’d do fine, that anyone was a better driver than Todd. So I took my foot off the brake and pressed it gently to the gas. And we moved! When I smiled, relieved, Jason just told me to go a little faster so I could hit the speed limit. I’d like to think it was my heels and that I couldn’t feel the pedal, but I shoved my foot down hard and we swerved farther into the street, hitting near freeway speeds. And we all started to scream. Jason’s was humored, mine was terrified, Todd’s was near death and Annie was bloody murder. My hands lost control of the wheel and the car headed towards a mailbox. Then jason grabbed the wheel and I managed to slam on the breaks. The smell of scorched tar floated through the window and it went deathly silent. It all happened in like six seconds and we were just in an emtpy residential road, but I almost had a heart attack. Jason started to laugh.

“Yeah–maybe you shouldn’t drive.” And something in his sparkly eyes made me laugh. Or maybe it wss the euphoria of not dying. I eagerly opened the door and started back to my side. jason met me halfway, bent over to look under the car–which was about four inches from the mailbox–and said we were safe–there were no small children. I just smacked him and almost twisted my ankle climbing over the curb but he caught me with another laugh. I should have been embarassed–I never tripped–but I felt strangely comfortable looking into those laughing eyes.

The rest of the ride was awkward. And I knew it was my fault. I think it gave me a permanent blush. Todd and Annie kind of stared at me and Jason wouldn’t stop making jokes about it. Things like “No wonder there’s so much traffic in New York—they can’t drive” or “Next time I’ll take your word for it”. But, to be honest, I didn’t really care. I felt oddly smug in an I-told-you-so kind of way. And I was totally energized—I laughed and joked back and talked more than I think I ever had before. And after the hour drive, when we pulled up to a Starbucks, my smile got bigger.

I jumped out of the car and started jumping around. I ran to Jason’s side and hugged him—hugged him! He laughed and let me; at least I’d like to think so. Todd just coughed behind us and made a joke about how caffeine was the last thing I needed. Annie laughed, but I hugged tighter. It was good to see something familiar again. And it smelled so good—I hadn’t had real coffee since I flew down here. I just eagerly waited for Jason to open the door and then I flew in, licking my lips as the wave of grounded coffee and frappes hit me.

“I’ll have a tall Java Chip Frappuccino—no whip cream.” I said, totally at home. Jason just shook his head and smiled, ordering next. I didn’t really hear what he ordered; I just waited eagerly for mine. And as soon as everyone had theirs, we got back in the car.

I was in my own little starbucks world. Until we pulled up to an Italian restaurant. I loved Italian. At first I thought we were going in, but Jason just winked and said he’d be back. And he came back loaded with steaming hot food that smelled like heaven. With my frappuccino done, all I could think about was that food. Plus, it was already about nine and I was starving. So I just watched curiously as Jason casually drove farther and farther away. And then we were on the beach.

I must admit it was ugly in comparison to the beaches I’d seen. I’d been everywhere—Jamaica, Hawaii, Cancun, Greece, France, Mexico, Bora Bora. But there was something magical about it all. Having Jason offer his hand to help me out, seeing the guys grab a pile of picnic supplies from the back, smelling the food, being told to take my shoes off and walk across the sand, watching the stars twinkles across the water—it all seemed like some movie scene. Annie even leaned closer and whispered, “Life is so romantic when you’re rich!”

We just sat on a huge blanket on the beach, eating everything Italian and laughing—a lot. And as the night chill started to set, Jason got a little closer and my butterflies beat a bit faster. I still remember when his hand grazed mine. He didn’t touch it entirely; his fingers just teased mine, almost as if it had been an accident. I turned and looked at him, suddenly filled with courage rather than butterflies. I just slid my hand into his, letting my fingers fall into his. He smiled slyly and I just gave him a comfortable look. Annie and Todd were laughing about some joke and Jason pretended to listen, but I could feel him tighten his grip on my hand. That’s when my butterflies came back.

But as soon as Todd and Annie got up to go play in the water, I fell to the ground, letting gravity pull Jason with me. We just lay there, our hands linked and our smiles wide.

“I didn’t expect that,” he said with a laugh.

I smiled flirtingly, “I’m a forward girl—I get what I want.”

He pulled my hand up slightly in the air, sort of massaging my fingertips with his, “I’ll take your word on it.” He whispered, nudging closer. And then he kissed me. And it was pure magic. Better than a frappuccino; better than Italian. More shocking: I’d give up my wardrobe to do it again.

And that’s when I heard Annie gasp and Todd cough. I quickly sat up, my cheeks flaming like a hotdog at scout camp—at least what I think a hotdog at scout camp would look like; I’d never really seen one.

Jason sat up just as quick though there was more laughter in his smile than embarrassment.

“Hey,” Todd said, staring at his brother, “Now that the make-out session is done, we should probably get going.”

Annie giggled, trying hard to appear invisible. But as soon as Jason stood and started gathering stuff, she grabbed me, her mouth open and eyes twinkling.

“What the crap was that?” She squealed, “I leave you for like two seconds and suddenly you guys go all ‘Notebook’ on me?”

I laughed, still hot and inflamed. “It just…happened.”

She snorted in a kind of ‘duh’ way. “Yeah—we noticed.”

I didn’t say anything. We just stood next to the car, waiting for the guys to finish cleaning up. But all I could do was play that kiss over and over in my head. I bit my lip, wishing everyone would disappear—except Jason. I kept looking at him; I couldn’t stop. And whenever our eyes met—which was often—I’d just smile. And whenever Todd rolled his eyes at us—which was also often—Jason would blush, which was oddly adorable.

When we finally got in the car, I wish I could say things were awkward. But they weren’t. It was an hour-long drive back but it passed like seconds. Well, it was probably awkward fro Annie and Todd. Probably because Jason and I didn’t try to talk or anything. We just smiled and kept glancing at each other, which would make us smile more. Todd seemed kind of mad at his brother, but he was still very talkative. He would crack jokes to Annie about how next time they should try it. That made me look back—Annie would blush and giggle but get her flirt on at the same time. I found that more putrid than walking in on a kiss would be. It made me sick. But Jason just laughed and teased everyone.

It was just past midnight when we pulled up to Cadence’s house. I was dead tired but still feeling on top of the world. And Jason holding me back, allowing Todd and Annie to leave first, didn’t really help. He stole my hand and walked me gently up the walk. Annie walked in after hugging Todd and gave me one last stare. Then Todd walked back to the car, whispering under his breath for Jason to hurry it up and “keep it G rated”. That was awkward. But Jason didn’t let it faze him. He walked me to the door and told me that it had been amazing—that I was amazing.

“You weren’t too bad yourself.” I managed to say, still holding his hand, and knowing it was a total awful, cheesy response. But he just smiled.

“You know, you’ve surprised me.”

“What?” I teased, “You don’t think Manhattan preps can be amazing?”

“No, I mean…I guess. I just didn’t expect the girl with the attitude that almost made my brother cry would be…for me.”

Suddenly I didn’t feel like teasing anymore. I wanted to kiss him—bad. But I resisted, if only because I knew Annie had to be watching from somewhere—not to mention Todd.

Then he hugged me; a warm hug that spread like wildfire. It was nice and he whispered in my ear before he pulled away. “I’m glad I was wrong.”

And then he left me breathless at the door and I couldn’t move. He was halfway down the walk when I did it. I called his name. And when he turned to look at me, I didn’t even hesitate. It took me two seconds—a miracle in heels, I might add—to reach him and then I kissed him hard. I totally went ‘Notebook’ on him and I could feel him smile through it all. And then I let him go, feeling my feet finally touch ground. I ran in the house and closed the door, sliding down it just willing myself to breathe again. I felt like a little girl, but it felt good.

Annie fell next to me, a mess of giggles and squeals. I didn’t hear her. I just touched my lips, my smile as big as the world. I didn’t sleep the whole night, though I did slip into my room as soon as I could. I just lay on the bed and laughed. I was giddy. More giddy than I had been at the fashion show sitting across from Brad Pitt. More giddy than shopping in Paris. I was number than I had been when dad died. And you know what? That was okay. I was wonderfully fine with it. And what’s more? I could still taste his smile.